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Discussion between two blondes:
-What did you ask Santa this year?
£ -30 to everyone!
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Employees of multinational companies are wondering what to do with the money from the first Christmas.
Swiss: The first money I buy a boat.
Reporter: And restu?
Swiss: I restu and renovate the house facade.
English: The first money I buy a sports car
Reporter: And restu?
English: and the rest go on a trip to Africa
Romania: The first money I buy a sweater.
Reporter: And the rest?
Romania: rest and give my mother.
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Cannibal by his children:
- Children, be obedient, as if Santa comes this year, we have nothing to make roast ...
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A child and a pessimistic optimist expects it to Santa Claus. Pessimist is sure not to get too much, the high delight and can not wait to see the gifts.
Santa Comes', the child gets super pessimistic gifts: trains, cars, chocolate, everything i could think of. Optimistic child receives ... one dung.
Children meet and exchange impressions: pessimist:
- May, I received a train, yes it's too big a car, yes it's not the color you want, and chocolate, yes and no milk is nuts ... and so on.
Optimist delighted laugh:
- May, I got a horse, yes it is not found!
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The three stages of the life of a man:
Believe in Santa Claus
Not believe in Santa Claus
Is Santa Claus
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A publican is called to work and is told that his wife is with another guy. Tax collector gets the jeep and go home. When you get a wife asks:
- Where is fraieru 'that?
- Who?
Tax collector and start looking. First look under the bed.
- No one.
Then looking in the kitchen:
- No one.
Then looking in the closet. There stood a guy with 100 marks in hand. Money and the tax collector says
- Nobody ...
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Call him Santa Claus Mircea Geoana:
- Dear Mircea, what gift you want from Santa Claus?
Mircea Geoana answers in one gulp:
- To be President of Romania!
On 6 December, he discovers that his desire was fulfilled happy. But waking up the next day he sees on TV that is actually president Basescu.
Nervous, I call on Saint Nicholas:
- Dude, you're a jerk and a PDL-ist! You tricked me!
- Dear Mircea, I I promise. I asked what gift do you want Santa Claus, not mail
over the next five years.
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- Dear Santa Claus, three years you order a fire truck, maybe I'll find one this year! Thank you. Lulu
- Dear Lulu, to forgive me as I still do not have a fire truck, I will set fire to the house while you sleep. So you have all the fire trucks that you want.
Sleep easy. Santa Claus
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One child writes a letter to Santa Claus:
Dlaga Dude, you log a lot to get me a tlenulet electlic, a car and a chocolate.
Child goes to the post and lead letter.
Postaritele open letter, read it and they take pity on the child.
They decide to put hand to hand and to buy baby gifts.
They collect money, buy train, buy car, but no longer get chocolate money.
Send gift child.
A few days after Christmas, the child goes to post another letter, with thanks to Santa Claus:
Dlaga Dude, thank you pentlu cadouli! Tlenuletul is magnificent car is supel. I am convinced that I have tlimis and chocolate, so CLED as those of the post tampitele ate it!
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Santa dear boy, I say loud and clear: I received your letter, but I deleted the c * r her and I p * s what you want ... nor did you dream to get ... and if you ever write to me, you break the co m * shovel.
No longer looking for Santa 'that makes your ass red. Santa 'left the country, it's financial crisis.
Signed: Santa Claus
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Bull's father goes to Bull takes maternity it.
- I came to take me home baby ...
The doctor, his eyes on the ground:
- Sir, you better not let new here ... as it grows into a center for children with ...
- No way! Take it home!
- Okay, but you know would be a problem ... has no legs.
- That's ... So take it.
- It would be a problem ... He has no hands ...
- Sir ... That is, take it home ...
- I understand ... has only the head ... Unbelievable but survives ...
- Yes sir, I take it ... That's it!
After 10 years, Christmas morning, Bull's room door opens, out comes rolling down, falling down stairs, from step to step, go under the tree, gift opens with teeth and nervous exclaim:
- Put me as ... and the headpiece!
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Santa Claus is only one, everywhere he is patron.
The children bring balls, marijuana and pills.
And from perverse girls, giving them slap the buttocks!
Santa you are the best, bring me tobacco grass!
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Santa enters the chimney in a house and hit the bedroom of a young, beautiful naked in bed asleep. Undecided, start to walk back and forth across the room, saying:
- If they do, I will not be received in heaven, but if they do not, no one can come to the basket.
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Two old women discuss their husbands:
- Mario, George mine is 100% impotent!
- Leano, Ion mine is 300% impotent!
- How so?
- A bad fall on the stairs and broke his finger and tongue!
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A publican is called to work and is told that his wife is with another guy. Tax collector gets the jeep and go home. When you get a wife asks:
- Where is fraieru 'that?
- Who?
Tax collector and start looking. First look under the bed.
- No one.
Then looking in the kitchen:
- No one.
Then looking in the closet. There stood a guy with 100 marks in hand. Money and the tax collector says
- Nobody ...
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After a day criminal, in which Santa Claus all have gone wrong (and elves were sick four, five reindeer have cooled sled broke and ran out of drink-in-law came to visit), evening an angel rings at the door with a huge Christmas tree.
- What to do with Brad, dude? asks the angel.
- Do you put him in the ass!
And then there is the tradition with angel tree planted on top ...
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A young woman at confession:
- Father, I ...
- I know, my daughter, what would you do, that we are friends on Facebook, I saw pictures, I read what you wrote on the wall ... I was pretty.
- And what should I do to be forgiven, Father?
- Do you like the 10 monasteries.
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The day-law, Bubble is presented with a packet in one hand and a rifle in the other.
- Happy birthday, mother-in-law! I brought a pair of gold earrings.
- Thank you, Giner. Yes rifle you want to do?
- Well, you do not need holes in your ears?
-------------------------------------------------- ---------------------------------------
Bubble says the school battle of Rovine:
- Mom, seeing what was there! Guns, arrows, guns ... Mother and beat Romanians were Turkish pa c t p *** them. But after that they beat the Turks were the Romanian pa c t p *** them, then beat Romanians and Turks were pa c t p *** them, and beat the Turks and steps were the Romanian ...
- Okay, okay, I Bubble, and how the battle ended?
- Well, when the forester came and told them "fuck off him, me out of here because I have stinking forest."
-------------------------------------------------- -------------------------
In an alley between buildings in a neighborhood, a lady cry
- Madam Smith!
Makes its appearance at a window a lady.
Yeah baby, what you want?
- Madam Smith, the husband is kind to you?
- No, dear!
- Madam Ionescu! cried when she got. Another lady made an appearance.
- What is it dear?
- My husband is kind to you?
- No dear! But what happened?
- Well, we argued a bit, and went mad. I ran after him and when I asked him where he goes, said:
- The Curve!
-------------------------------------------------- ------------------------
Mary, the daughter of the country, go to town and engage as a house maid rich people. Doing bedroom clean by owners, find a used condom ...
Surprisa the owner is studying it closely.
He asks:
- How, Marie? When you do not love the country?
Maria responds confused:
- Yes mistress ..... but not until the skin falls ...
-------------------------------------------------- ----------------------------------
Iliescu meets with Bush as the heads of state. From one of the other end to talk of preparing their soldiers.
Bush: I am proud of my soldiers, they think first and then run.
Iliescu: And I'm so proud of my first run and then they think.
Well let's put them to the test, we choose each one and see how many of you are able.
Very well.
Mike, come here and give him a slap Iliescu.
Thinks it stands, after saying:
I can not boss, is president, is visiting us can not.
Iliescu: Yes I do, so let's see and do now. George, get me over here.
Ordered to live!
This conforms to, and pulls them down one more to fall.
Bush: Good for me, so now what they think?
Iliescu: What you think of me?
Well I thought it going to slap that two handfuls ...
-------------------------------------------------- ---------------------
An ant goes under an elephant dung and this is even on it. After about two hours out ant under the dung and says:
Damn, damn, I got it right in the eye!
-------------------------------------------------- ------------------
Bear buys new car and go to walk through the forest. At a
time meets the rabbit. Bunny:
- What do Bear? ... That's your car?
Bear - Yes BAH ... let's get you a ride!
Rabbit climb in the car and go with the bear in the woods. It is plmba
how to walk and reach a cliff ...
Bear: - Iepurasule bet with me that at 200km / h I put a brake
inch gap?
Bunny - Let BRE Bear! ... him to see you!
Bear Put 100 .... put a 200 meter cliff ... look at bunny
and ask him: - Iepurasule you crushed on you?
Bunny: daaaaaa ...
Bear Put the brakes and stops an inch gap fixed.
Bunny: - bravo bre Bear! .... but you bet me to 300km / h put
brake to a millimeter gap?
Bear - let BAH! ... him to see you!
Rabbit climb behind the wheel and start ... 100 .... 200 ... 300 km / h ... at one meter
gap and bear watching Bear asks him you peed on you?
Bear: - daaaaaaaa ......
Bunny: - Can you and I can not reach because the brake ...
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Alina goes through the woods and stumbles, falling belly-n jos.Pinochio, coming back, Alina sees no fall in Nasu-n p___a ei.La she says:
-Oh, Pinocchio tells a lie!
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Alina someday get to school after missing a few days.
Professor Alina why you missed school?
Alina: A grandmother died.
Teacher: Yes why grandma died?
Alina: As a board a bus on her finger.
Teacher: And only that?
Alina: Yes, but he had his finger in the nose.
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Alina is autostopul.Trece wolf bike. O comforted him on the bike. May they walk the walk.
Alina (in thought): "If the wolf knew that I myself panties ...."
Wolf (in his mind) "If I knew that I Alina bicycle frame ..."
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From an airplane in fire parachute jump on all passengers with just over a tribe of cannibals. The first is the son of the captain sees cannibals, who quickly runs to his father:
-Daddy, landing one fat!
-Gras? Cabbage!
After two minutes:
-Daddy, a bad landing!
-Poor? Grilled!
After another two minutes:
-Daddy, taticutule! Landing a sexy blonde! God, has legs!
-Blonde, sexy? In the hut!
His mother?
-Fuck you! Rice!
-------------------------------------------------- ------------------
A blonde enters tremmurand of all joints in a pharmacy.
After half an hour queued:
D D D D-A of the veve oaaamna your vibrator you?
-Yes.
-And ... and as o. .. O. .. stop?
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One guy took a pair of binoculars, and he calls his neighbor and to see it.
-Do you know that and see through glass with this.
-You do not say!
-And I see And in the bedroom!
-And what about that.
I see your wife in bed with one!
-Damn Now go and shoot her a head, and f *** him.
If you hurry, do both with one bullet!
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A blonde goes to the gynecologist:
After a control doctor says
-Oh yes unwashed are you! Next time you come to wash the vagina.
Blonde:
-If I can wash my vagina in the basin?
-------------------------------------------------- -----------
A garbage collector call opens a door and a blonde good. It asks what he wants.
I'm Gigi gunoieru '.
This house gives you pull down his pants and suck his p ** a. Get this content. Colegu ':
What were you both bathrooms?
That says it all scrape. He goes and that the same treatment. Return to the car ... soferu ':
What you state as bathrooms?
I say these guys ... Soferu ': "I try and take him to luck." Call USA. Female ':
-Mata who are you?
-Peter, Soferu '.
-Well, the 5000 lei.
-Well you know ... Io I came for something else.
-Not scavenger?
I do not.
-If you can not, my husband when he went to work this morning I said to scavengers - mu ** and 5000 lei driver.
-------------------------------------------------- ------------
They go to the gynecologist: a brunette, a redhead, A Błonie. WANTED to see what will be born. Brunette IESE, I'll PM BEIAT PT. AS I sat ABOVE. IESE ROSCA: I'll PM TO PT. AS I stood underneath. THAT BLOND Scared: Alas I'll PM IED. (A STATE GOAT).
-------------------------------------------------- -------
In their first day casatarie blonde says her husband: Man's bathroom appliances from damaged plant.
Husband .. so what am I installed?
The next day ....
Men, is broken TV ...
Husband ... Yes that is me, debugger?
On the third day her husband comes home and sees them all repaired and wondered who ask them repaired?
Blonde says he called a colleague of hers and took care of everything.
Husband ... and what you paid that money you had?
Blonde ... Well i said to me f ** sing or
Husband ... and what would you do?
Blonde .... so why am I singing??
-------------------------------------------------- --------------
Two blondes are in lift.O blonde says:
What smell of sperm in this elevator!
On the other says:
What dear man has not allowed to burp?
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In a lingerie store into a Olteanca a ardeleanca and Moldavian.
Olteanca buy seven pairs of pants and goes to pay them.
Surprised seller asks:
- Yes What is your 7 pairs of pants dumnevoastra once?
- Well, a pair every day of the week!
- A. .. I understand!
Ardeleanca comes with 5 pairs ...
- You do not use all 7 pairs per week? Ask seller curious!
- Well, my husband wants me Saturday and Sunday without ...
- A. ..
Moldavian comes with 12 pairs.
Ask seller puzzled:
- Okay, okay, I understand the others, but you've got 2 of them as a place!
- Next year ... has 12 months!
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One morning before the fight Stefan cel Mare military gather and ask:
Who drank last night? No response.
Who drank last night asking the second oara.Tot no answer.
Who drank the third time last night wondering nervous.
Thin band of a soldier comes and says:
-I Your Majesty!
-Let's officials, others in the fight!
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bubble in the army. One thousand captain I miss my Gypsy girl heaven commanded me to go home. Captain: I give you if you can do donkey commanded ALA laugh. Bull goes on donkey and makes them laugh. after two weeks and wants to go to Bull's Piramda and Captain tells him that if he could let him do his donkey cry. Bull goes and makes the donkey cry. Captain:
How did bubble baths? Well first I said I p ** of greater than his. And the second time, when he started to cry and I showed her.
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Bull looks at his mother to bathe.
- Mom, what's between your legs?
- A hedgehog.
- No, you do not see it go into pi ***!
Posted by Geo 0 comments
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Bull on the training field.
After several commands executed by Bull, captain cried
Low height-Aviation enemy!
All the seating platoon, only bubble position "right" in the middle of the field.
Captain: - What bubble?
Bull - I shelter under a tree.
Captain - Yes' where see the trees?
Bull - But where you see planes?.
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In crowded tram multa.Vede bubble free and salt together el.O Baba said to him
- Let me let mother and me to sit down because I dir feet.
- BRE hear you when you were of my mind gave place old people?
- Yes mother.
- Well, see deaia feet hurt.
-------------------------------------------------- ---------------------
Bull asks his father:
-Father, what is the difference between practice and theory?
The father answers:
-Go to Mother and ask her if he f. .. e with vecinu 'for $ 50.
Bull asks her mother and she said yes.
His father sends him back to his sister the same question for $ 100. And she agrees.
Now the father explains:
-Theory we have $ 150, but basically we have two whores.
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Accident at work. Bubble is investigated in connection with the death of John.
Politistu:
- I, Bull, died as Ion?
- Well, swearing and God punished him.
- How swearing me?
- Well, all said "Bull, in God ', I know, do not shake the scaffold!"
-------------------------------------------------- ----------------------
War with the Germans. Bull hides a well. A German wants to do the same. He cried in well and make echoes Bull.
- Anybody there?
- Anybody there?
- I better go in the woods ...
- I better go in the woods ...
- Better throw a grenade ...
- Better go in the woods!
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Bubble logic fail an exam and tells the teacher:
-If you ask a question of logic that you can not answer me, I go?
-Let's see, 'says Professor smiling.
What is both illogical, but the legal sense but illegal, illogical and illegal?
Teacher sits and thinks for some time but can not respond.
Then the bubble gives the answer:
-Illogical, but is that you are legally married to a woman younger than 25 years you logically, but illegal is that it has a younger lover and illogical muuuult and illegal is that we now pass the exam on your its lover.
-------------------------------------------------- --------------------
Preparing an inspection class bubble in biology class. Commission meeting with the teacher simulates an hour before the event.
Question: - What animal do you like more to you and why?
Bubble shake hands on top. Allows the teacher to respond and Bull:
- Turbot, because it is flat.
Teacher: - But you know what is turbot flat?
Bull: - Because it was f **** whale.
Teacher: - Donkey, bitch, get out.
Here it comes and inspection. Same question as the simulation. Bubble shake again, teacher or by not passing thought him stand up on the bubble and observe it and recommend an inspector teacher put it to respond. With no choice, with the heart as a flea,
Teacher: What animal do you like most and why?
Bull: Frog, because her eyes bulging.
Teacher somewhat relieved: - But you know why his eyes are bulging?
Bull: - Because he looked when they f **** turbot whale!
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Bull comes to his father:
- Dad, I saved a girl from rape!
- Bravo, Bull! How did you do?
- I was stood up!
-------------------------------------------------
A married girl, one night when sotzul was out and shoot the three individuals at the same time.
On the table just cocaine, it is also occasionally stopped even sneeze, multiple orgasms, delirium ...
At one point, the door opens to the wall and between men-su.
The last peak power and pleasure it leans more to draw a nose once and then looked at the male-su and says: - And now we go again: suspicious ... suspicions ...
Posted by Geo 0 comments
Men are divided into five categories according to three criteria ...
The criteria are:
-Drink you consume;
-Means of transport used;
-Who sexual needs.
Categories:
Mercedes-Mistress 1.Whisky
State Secretary-Car 2.Coniac
Personal-hitchhikers-Dacia 3.Pepsi
4.Ceai-Tram-wife
5.Apa-sole-Laba
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-It crackers? Seller:
-No, I am!
Hungarian:
-Da 'shit is?
Seller:
Yes, you!
--------------------------------------------------
Two shipwrecked hardly managed to get on a desert island.
-We are lost!
I do not worry, we found them!
You think?
I'm sure ... I have debts of over one million dollars!
-------------------------------------------------- ---
Cop and supervisor in a helicopter. Cop look with his eye all the propeller. Once, twice, three times ... at some point no longer refrain:
'Lord' command allow to vb "
"Tell trogloditule"
"What's captain domle thing all over our heads spinning so it constantly"
"Yes, looks like you did school. Nation of prostalan are you. E fan bathrooms, as they no longer spins, to see how the pilot sweat! "
-------------------------------------------------
A guy goes to the doctor. Remove tool and says the doctor:
Doctor-do-and something that looks look!
The doctor looked and see that it was made ferfelita.
Yeah what happened to you you bit crocodilu dumnule it??
-No Doctor! Let me explain. You know my wife likes that, after a round of love to him and "up".
-Well sir, I understand it's something my wife likes natural and yet, forget mine has nothing!
Yes, but my wife take her sick ie hand and take with a fork ...
-------------------------------------------------- -
Who is to say something special to say in family life.
On the bubble:
Mrs. teacher-father has two Puli, a small and a little of everything great, great everything.
-Well, how can so little bubble?
-Well, so, with a father makes pisu and the other a mother brushing your teeth.
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-How much taxi to the station? ask a Scottish taxi driver.
-A pound, sir.
-And baggage?
-Of course, for free!
-Well, then go to train my bags. I come down ...
-------------------------------------------------- ------------
A woman goes to a priest.
-Father, confess to me. I made my husband lu feet.
Woman says Our Father three times and then wash your hands into the river! She does what is says and then goes home, where her husband oastepta:
Marie-Where were you?
-The spring water, to wash my hands.
-And with whom you met there?
-The priestess, gargle!
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Meet a black and a white beach. White says:
-I with my tool can measure the water temperature!
I do not think, say black.
Get white water, comes out and says:
-19 ° Celsius.
Black controls with thermometer and really ...
White says:
-Probe and you now ...
Login and black water and says:
-The temperature can not tell you nothing but deep water is 45 cm ...
-------------------------------------------------- ----------------------
A 90-year-old doctor says or:
-No I never felt so good. I have a bride of 18 years that I have a baby .. How about that?
The doctor thinks a minute and then says:
-I have a friend who is older and not missing hunter in any season. One day when a little hurried umbrella instead took the gun. When he reached the forest, he saw a rabbit standing beside a river. He raised the umbrella, made "bang" and the rabbit fell mortCe about that?
The old answer:
-I would say that someone else killed the rabbit.
Doctor:
Exactly!
-------------------------------------------------- -------------
Bull, 10 years, carrying a huge cart up the road.
A citizen salt and push cart up the hill.
-How did your father left to bother with such a weight?
Well, he said:
-Let, Bull, of course will help you find a stupid ..!
-------------------------------------------------- --------
A teacher in her first day of school ...
Hello children! Children respond: "My Dear."
Crazy guys, as "my hello."
The next day: "Hello children", said: "My Dear."
Their nervous teacher swear I give the furrow.
The third day, Bull missing. Invatoatoarea: "Hello children", children: "Hello." Teacher did not believe it, and say children, tomorrow when you greet Malcea silent, speaking Fuck it!
Next day: The teacher: Dear children! Bull: Get-n p.. The meaaaa!
